Falling Behind….

I try not to get too down on myself, but…

• the emails are piling up, and I’ve been frantically unsubscribing from as many lists as I can
• I’ve got personal emails from LinkedIn, my networking connections / group that I’ve flagged for follow-up, but I’m just not getting to, and the guilt I feel for not responding to people is piling up fast…
• I’m not blogging as much as I’d like
• I’m feel like I’m neglecting my two cats, and they know it
• I haven’t written to either of my sponsor children for AGES
• My Twitter activity has fallen off a cliff
• I’m not reading as much as I’d like to be able to, as it helps me relax in the evenings before bed

To top it off, this next 3 weeks at work are looking to be very hectic, with a lot of overtime (at least it get’s paid as overtime if you work for the fed!), when I already feel run ragged.  The only thing I don’t feel guilty about is not seeing my husband, as he’s taking night classes at the local community college 3 nights a week, driving straight there from work, so we’re not really seeing much of each other as it is anyway, which doesn’t make it good — it’s just bad without the self-imposed guilt-trip… 

Ever have one of those days (weeks)?

The other end of the tunnel…

Have you ever noticed how it seems the darkest before the dawn of something new and exciting in your life?  The process of experiencing can often feel very painful, and cause you a lot of anxiety.  Sometimes you wish you could just push the fast-forward button on the remote-control of life.  It’s difficult to stay grounded and present in the here & now in periods like these.  I don’t want to sound like a Polly Anna, but if there’s big stuff going on that you can’t fast-forward through, you need to distract yourself by concentrating on what’s good in the here & now that you can appreciate right here, right now.

The last couple years have been a big process of change for me — getting laid off twice, just after having bought a new house, then seeing the market collapse just when we needed to reduce our cash outflow.  Talk about anxiety! 

Somehow, someway, I managed to pull myself together, and keep believing that this was just all just one small blip on the radar screen — that many years from now I’d be able to look back and think, yes, this was challenging, but the outcome was SO worth it.

Today my husband and I have just come out of the tunnel into the light — not only have I recently started working again, today we sold our old house that has been on the market for over 2 years.  We came out with enough to pay off that house’s mortgage and cover the entire “bridge” loan we took out to make our downpayment on our current house.  We didn’t come out ahead enough to be buying any living room furniture soon, but we can finally stop the bleeding and start saving again.

Would I want to go through this all again?  No.  Did it make me stronger, more self-relaiant, and more appreciative of what I do have?  Hell yes!

Forgive me for a few moments while I enjoy smiling up into the sunshine (and enjoy my glass of wine)!

Initial Thoughts on Civil Service

Well I’ve been amiss at keeping up my blog (and other online “social media” activities) during my first two weeks on the job at NAVFAC, so here’s some catch up.

It’s been a very good experience so far.  I really like the people I’m working with, and although the job itself is going to take me a while to learn and feel comfortable with, I’m already jumping in and helping make some of our processes more efficient with my MS Excel knowledge that I’ve picked up over the years from being so darn curious (“Hey – that’s cool!  How does THAT work?”), and overheard myself being referred to as an Excel Goddess! (Why thank you, YES I AM!).

So here’s my deep insight into Civil Service — it’s so freaking CIVIL!  We really only do work 40 hrs a week, and if we do have a business need to work longer to get something done (e.g., year-end close is fast approaching), we get paid overtime.  This is such a mind-shift from working 50, sometimes 60 hrs a week as a matter of course in the Fortune 500 world.  The significant cut in pay compared to my last two jobs really isn’t that significant if you work back to what my effective pay rate was based on a 50 hr work week.  And of course the healthcare benefits and long-term stability are a large non-monetary compensation, given the several years of the constant spectre of layoffs in the corporate world I’ve lived with (and accepted).

The personal / professional growth opportunities are certainly very present and encouraged, so it’s not like I’m going to be bored (me having a very HIGH “learning” motivation).

IT security and protection of personal information are taken extremely seriously, given the loss of a VA laptop a few years back.  As was the case at Allstate, Big Brother in IT does not allow you to check your personal commercially available web-based email accounts (e.g., Yahoo, Google) from work in order to put up a wall against some of the viruses that go around the Internet.  Also no use of USB-port “Thumb Drives” for the same reasons.  I had to read through & get certified on about 3 hrs of IT security and protection of personal information training, which makes me feel very good that our government agencies are taking this all very seriously. 

But here’s the coolest part of starting up as a Federal Civil Servant — us newbies were sworn in on our first day.  Honest!  We stood up facing the US flag, raised our right hand, and did a “I, (state your name), do solemly swear….”  At first I thought it was kinda hokey, but when it was over I felt like something really important had happened — I swore to uphold & defend the Constitution of the United States, not help Kraft sell more cheese, or Sprint sell more cell phones.  How cool is that?!   

And I’m working in an internal “company” (NAVFAC) that is helping to support the young men & women of our nation that put their lives on the line to defend the rest of us.  I really do feel that I’m working for a greater cause.  I never felt this inspired in any of my previous jobs. 

(And here’s my rant — to that relative of mine in NE who shall remain nameless and holds very different political views than I, and who went on a rant about me being “part of the problem” now that I’m a government employee, rather than congratulating me on finding a job or being glad to have me helping to watch out for how our federal funds are being spent, Dude, all I can say is that you just don’t freaking get it.)